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Young, beautiful, tender, slender…
The best in cooking,
The best in hosting,
For no one is looking.
Just boasting!
The picture was really unique.
When I looked at it I felt sick.
Why should I cry? What for?
My make up costs much more.
The law of our life:
If you don’t get used to all you’ll die.
If you don’t die you’ll get used to all.
One bottle of vodka for a fool
Turns into a rocking stool.
John, will you offend me?
-Offend? You? Never!
I never offend women.
-But if I do something wrong?
-I’ll kill you.
Why should I offend you?
You are my pride
Which I would like
Somewhere to hide.
She doesn’t like the sea food,
She likes the sea of food.
The best way of trust
100% of payment in advance.
On the right foot
I’ll put on a boot.
On the left foot
I’ll put on a shoe.
For you to see
That I am nervous.
AIDS – Added infection during sex.
I am thinking to give up drinking.
But how can I do that?
I am in the greatest fear
as beer costs less than milk.
Isn’t it the greatest bilk?
May be I am not as strong as it seems to be,
But I am not as weak as someone wants me to be.
It’s not the question whom to marry,
It’s the question what to do with the rest?
Gary. Larry, Barry, Jerry……
Hello! Is it the right number?
If you have nothing to say keep quiet,
If you have nothing to show you are retired.
Her conscience is so transparent and clean
That it will never be seen.
A woman does it sitting,
A man does it standing,
A dog does it raising its paw.
That’s how they meet,
That’s how they greet,
That’s how they say “Hello!”
And what did you think?
Any tale can be true
If you know who is who.
If to be true
I wouldn’t like you telling me what to do.
Otherwise I will tell you where to go
And it could be an interesting show.
Buy this watches
With diamond blotches!
They are like Swiss made.
Ok! Here are dollars hand made.
Wisdom comes with age.
But isn’t it strange
When sometimes the age comes alone
And moans, moans, moans…..
Yesterday was early,
Tomorrow will be late,
Today I have no time.
I wish you to lose all your teeth,
But one tooth let remain
To feel that tooth pain.
Do not protest!
As it’s the best!
After doing nothing
To have a good rest.
A soul wants a picture,
An ass - an adventure.
I am always polite,
And think I am right.
When I send him to hell
I always recall and ask
If he is well.
Take it as a rule:
Break pregnancy
Before the intimacy.
Alcohol kills slowly.
Don’t worry!
I am not in a hurry.
Pessimist thinks all women are whores.
Optimist that statement adores.
If you are a good lad
Every child should call you dad.
I will not give up drinking
But I will go on thinking
If I should give up smoking.
After drinking Russian vodka
An Englishman from Yorkshire dialect
Has broken into debauchire dialect.
After drinking whisky
Some men are so frisky,
But some are so boring,
All night snoring.
I am looking for a husband and a friend.
If they come together I’ll withstand.
My mother wanted a boy,
My father wanted a girl.
That’s how they’ve met.
If you don’t want to spend your money for a little Willie
Don’t be silly and protect your willy.
Children ask where from the things appear.
Parents ask where the things disappear.
He was a man of my dream
Until the time I found out his dream.
The world is boring for boring people.
The less you know – the better you sleep,
The more you know – the better you eat.
Oh, darling! You are the best out of the rest.
I will explain. Yesterday I was convinced in it again.
I’ve bought tea for losing weight.
It’s not so bad with a cake.
Can’t find a tool
to communicate with a fool.
-How many things do you need?
-Just a few, but every day something new.
I am your present folks.
Will you be my box?
I had the greatest chance
to learn how to dance
as we had one chamber-pot.
Here is a dot.
He thought she would cook like his mother
But…it happened she drank like his father.
I am absolutely indifferent to
what you think about me
as…I don’t think about you at all.
There are people with horns,
There are people with thorns,
There are people with only worms.
He tried to prove
that he was not a fool.
But in his eyes
I saw an elementary school.
Don’t look at me with fear!
It’s much better to drink beer.
I am looking for a man
who smokes, drinks and thinks
he is the best.
I’d like to share with him
the same interests.
She was an angel lass,
but…with tattoo on her ass.
Better to be smart and sometimes dull
than dull but sometimes smart.
A man’s logic is convincing,
a woman’s – more interesting.
All women are angels.
But when they break the wings,
to overcome the troubles
they may use any things,
even to fly on the broom
in the night’s gloom.
Who will help me to get rid of menses
with the guarantee for 9 months?
All women are young,
but…..some are younger.
I am not sad,
I am sober.
I am not a present,
I am a surprise.
I drink three days a week.
They all start with letter ‘T’.
Tuesday, Thursday, Today.
There are so many good guys,
There are so many nice names,
But I have the one who lies
With a horrible name James.
A drunken man shouted as his voice allowed:
Where am I? I feel like to cry!
You are in Soho square if to be fair.
Hell with nicety ! Tell me the city!
Forbid Viagra for those who have podagra!
Let the pensioners have a good sleep!
Let them their life keep!
He: Well, Ann! With a johny I don’t feel so much horny.
And…using any condom it’s not a treason.
She: Well, to be silencer I'll be just a trespasser but not a murderer.
If you don’t believe in love at first sight
look at me once more from another side,
I hope you’ll see something to adore.
How many times should I repeat?
I am not a slacker,
I am a hacker.
Let’s have a bet for 100 dollars!
If I use a fuse you’ll refuse.
Poles, trees and lakes
are the best brakes.
Everyone could be much wiser
If that one would find a sympathizer.
Any plan without intent –
The essence of a content.
-Why did you marry?
-Had no life experience.
-Why did you divorce?
-Had no patience.
-Why did you marry again?
-Have lost my memory.
I could send you somewhere
But only can tell you, if you care:
You have just come from there.
The things you could do today
You can do the day after tomorrow
And without any sorrow
You’ll have two days of rest.
You are so fashionable
And I am not profitable.
He is richer than me for 10 years.
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