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Young, beautiful, tender, slender…

The best in cooking,

The best in hosting,

For no one is looking.

Just boasting!

The picture was really unique.

When I looked at it I felt sick.

Why should I cry? What for?

My make up costs much more.

The law of our life:

If you don’t get used to all  you’ll die.

If you don’t die you’ll get used to all.

One bottle of vodka for a fool

Turns into a rocking stool.

John, will you offend me?

-Offend? You? Never!

I never offend women.

-But if I do something wrong?

-I’ll kill you.

Why should I offend you?

You are my pride

Which I would like

Somewhere to hide.

She doesn’t like the sea food,

She likes the sea of food.

The best way of trust

100% of payment in advance.

On the right foot

I’ll put on a boot.

On the left foot

I’ll put on a shoe.

For you to see

That I am nervous.

AIDS – Added infection during sex.

I am thinking to give up drinking.

But how can I do that?

I am in the greatest fear

as beer costs less than milk.

Isn’t it the greatest bilk?

May be I am not as strong as it seems to be,

But I am not as weak as someone wants me to be.

It’s not the question  whom to marry,

It’s the question what to do with the rest?

Gary. Larry, Barry, Jerry……

Hello! Is it the right number?

  If you have nothing to say keep quiet,

If you have nothing to show you are retired.

Her conscience is so transparent and clean

That it will never be seen.

A woman does it sitting,

A man does it standing,

A dog does it raising its paw.

That’s how they meet,

That’s how they greet,

That’s how they say “Hello!”

And what did you think?

Any tale can be true

If you know who is who.

If to be true

I wouldn’t like you telling me what to do.

Otherwise I will tell you where to go

And it could be an interesting show.

Buy this watches

With diamond blotches!

They are like Swiss made.

Ok! Here are dollars hand made.

Wisdom comes with age.

But isn’t it strange

When sometimes the age comes alone

And moans, moans, moans…..

Yesterday was early,

Tomorrow will be late,

Today I have no time.

I wish you to lose all your teeth,

But one tooth let remain

To feel that tooth pain.

Do not protest!

As it’s the best!

After doing nothing

To have a good rest.

A soul wants a picture,

An ass - an adventure.

I am always polite,

And think I am right.

When I send him to hell

I always recall and ask

If he is well.

Take it as a rule:

Break pregnancy

Before the intimacy.

Alcohol kills slowly.

Don’t worry!

I am not in a hurry.

Pessimist thinks all women are whores.

Optimist that statement adores.

If you are a good lad

Every child should call you dad.

I will not give up drinking

But I will go on thinking

If I should give up smoking.

After drinking Russian vodka

An Englishman from Yorkshire dialect

Has broken into debauchire dialect.

After drinking whisky

Some men are so frisky,

But some are so boring,

All night snoring.

I am looking for a husband and a friend.

If they come together I’ll withstand.

My mother wanted a boy,

My father wanted a girl.

That’s how they’ve met.

If you don’t want to spend your money for a little Willie

Don’t be silly and protect your willy.

Children ask where from the things appear.

Parents ask where the things disappear.

He was a man of my dream

Until the time I found out his dream.

The world is boring for boring people.

The less you know – the better you sleep,

The more you know – the better you eat.

Oh, darling! You are the best out of the rest.

I will explain. Yesterday I was convinced in it again.

I’ve bought tea for losing weight.

It’s not so bad with a cake.

Can’t find a tool

to communicate with a fool.

-How many things do you need?

-Just a few, but every day something new.

I am your present folks.

Will you be my box?

I had the greatest chance

to learn how to dance

as we had one chamber-pot.

Here is a dot.

He thought she would cook like his mother

But…it happened she drank like his father.

I am absolutely indifferent  to

what you think about me

as…I don’t think about you at all.

There are people with horns,

There are people with thorns,

There are people with only worms.

He tried to prove

that he was not a fool.

But in his eyes

I saw an elementary school.

Don’t look at me with fear!

It’s much better to drink beer.

I am looking for a man

who smokes, drinks and thinks

he is the best.

I’d like to share with him

the same interests.

She was an angel lass,

but…with tattoo on her ass.

Better to be smart and sometimes dull

than dull but sometimes smart.

A man’s logic is convincing,

a woman’s – more interesting.

All women are angels.

But when they break the wings,

to overcome the troubles

they may use any things,

even to fly on the broom

in the night’s gloom.

Who will help me to get rid of menses

with the guarantee for 9 months?

All women are young,

but…..some are younger.

I am not sad,

I am sober.

I am not a present,

I am a surprise.

I drink three days a week.

They all start with letter ‘T’.

Tuesday, Thursday, Today.

There are so many good guys,

There are so many nice names,

But I have the one who lies

With a horrible name James.

            A drunken man shouted as his voice allowed:

            Where am I? I feel like to cry!

            You are in Soho square if to be fair.

             Hell with nicety ! Tell me the city!

Forbid Viagra for those who have podagra!

Let the pensioners  have a good sleep!

Let them their life keep!

He: Well, Ann!  With a johny I don’t feel so much horny.

And…using any condom it’s not a treason.

She: Well, to be silencer I'll be just a trespasser but not a murderer. 

If you don’t believe in love at first sight

look at me once more from another side,

I hope you’ll see something to adore.

How many times should I repeat?

I am not a slacker,

I am a hacker.

Let’s have a bet for 100 dollars!

If I use a fuse you’ll refuse.

Poles, trees and lakes

are the best brakes.

Everyone could be much wiser

If that one would find a sympathizer.

Any plan without intent –

The essence of a content.

-Why did you marry?

-Had no life experience.

-Why did you divorce?

-Had no patience.

-Why did you marry again?

-Have lost my memory.

I could send you somewhere

But only can tell you, if you care:

You have just come from there.

The things you could do today

You can do the day after tomorrow

And without any sorrow

You’ll have two days of rest.

You are so fashionable

And  I am not profitable.

He is richer than me for 10 years.