POETRY FROM MY HEART
Larisa Rzhepishevska
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Young, beautiful, tender, slender…
The best in cooking,
The best in hosting,
For no one is looking.
Just boasting!
The picture was really unique.
When I looked at it I felt sick.
Why should I cry? What for?
My make up costs much more.
The law of our life:
If you don’t get used to all you’ll die.
If you don’t die you’ll get used to all.
One bottle of vodka for a fool
Turns into a rocking stool.
John, will you offend me?
-Offend? You? Never!
I never offend women.
-But if I do something wrong?
-I’ll kill you.
Why should I offend you?
You are my pride
Which I would like
Somewhere to hide.
She doesn’t like the sea food,
She likes the sea of food.
The best way of trust
100% of payment in advance.
On the right foot
I’ll put on a boot.
On the left foot
I’ll put on a shoe.
For you to see
That I am nervous.
AIDS – Added infection during sex.
I am thinking to give up drinking.
But how can I do that?
I am in the greatest fear
as beer costs less than milk.
Isn’t it the greatest bilk?
May be I am not as strong as it seems to be,
But I am not as weak as someone wants me to be.
It’s not the question whom to marry,
It’s the question what to do with the rest?
Gary. Larry, Barry, Jerry……
Hello! Is it the right number?
If you have nothing to say keep quiet,
If you have nothing to show you are retired.
Her conscience is so transparent and clean
That it will never be seen.
A woman does it sitting,
A man does it standing,
A dog does it raising its paw.
That’s how they meet,
That’s how they greet,
That’s how they say “Hello!”
And what did you think?
Any tale can be true
If you know who is who.
If to be true
I wouldn’t like you telling me what to do.
Otherwise I will tell you where to go
And it could be an interesting show.
Buy this watches
With diamond blotches!
They are like Swiss made.
Ok! Here are dollars hand made.
Wisdom comes with age.
But isn’t it strange
When sometimes the age comes alone
And moans, moans, moans…..
Yesterday was early,
Tomorrow will be late,
Today I have no time.
I wish you to lose all your teeth,
But one tooth let remain
To feel that tooth pain.
Do not protest!
As it’s the best!
After doing nothing
To have a good rest.
A soul wants a picture,
An ass - an adventure.
I am always polite,
And think I am right.
When I send him to hell
I always recall and ask
If he is well.
Take it as a rule:
Break pregnancy
Before the intimacy.
Alcohol kills slowly.
Don’t worry!
I am not in a hurry.
Pessimist thinks all women are whores.
Optimist that statement adores.
If you are a good lad
Every child should call you dad.
I will not give up drinking
But I will go on thinking
If I should give up smoking.
After drinking Russian vodka
An Englishman from Yorkshire dialect
Has broken into debauchire dialect.
After drinking whisky
Some men are so frisky,
But some are so boring,
All night snoring.
I am looking for a husband and a friend.
If they come together I’ll withstand.
My mother wanted a boy,
My father wanted a girl.
That’s how they’ve met.
If you don’t want to spend your money for a little Willie
Don’t be silly and protect your willy.
Children ask where from the things appear.
Parents ask where the things disappear.
He was a man of my dream
Until the time I found out his dream.
The world is boring for boring people.
The less you know – the better you sleep,
The more you know – the better you eat.
Oh, darling! You are the best out of the rest.
I will explain. Yesterday I was convinced in it again.
I’ve bought tea for losing weight.
It’s not so bad with a cake.
Can’t find a tool
to communicate with a fool.
-How many things do you need?
-Just a few, but every day something new.
I am your present folks.
Will you be my box?
I had the greatest chance
to learn how to dance
as we had one chamber-pot.
Here is a dot.
He thought she would cook like his mother
But…it happened she drank like his father.
I am absolutely indifferent to
what you think about me
as…I don’t think about you at all.
There are people with horns,
There are people with thorns,
There are people with only worms.
He tried to prove
that he was not a fool.
But in his eyes
I saw an elementary school.
Don’t look at me with fear!
It’s much better to drink beer.
I am looking for a man
who smokes, drinks and thinks
he is the best.
I’d like to share with him
the same interests.
She was an angel lass,
but…with tattoo on her ass.
Better to be smart and sometimes dull
than dull but sometimes smart.
A man’s logic is convincing,
a woman’s – more interesting.
All women are angels.
But when they break the wings,
to overcome the troubles
they may use any things,
even to fly on the broom
in the night’s gloom.
Who will help me to get rid of menses
with the guarantee for 9 months?
All women are young,
but…..some are younger.
I am not sad,
I am sober.
I am not a present,
I am a surprise.
I drink three days a week.
They all start with letter ‘T’.
Tuesday, Thursday, Today.
There are so many good guys,
There are so many nice names,
But I have the one who lies
With a horrible name James.
A drunken man shouted as his voice allowed:
Where am I? I feel like to cry!
You are in Soho square if to be fair.
Hell with nicety ! Tell me the city!
Forbid Viagra for those who have podagra!
Let the pensioners have a good sleep!
Let them their life keep!
He: Well, Ann! With a johny I don’t feel so much horny.
And…using any condom it’s not a treason.
She: Well, to be silencer I'll be just a trespasser but not a murderer.
If you don’t believe in love at first sight
look at me once more from another side,
I hope you’ll see something to adore.
How many times should I repeat?
I am not a slacker,
I am a hacker.
Let’s have a bet for 100 dollars!
If I use a fuse you’ll refuse.
Poles, trees and lakes
are the best brakes.
Everyone could be much wiser
If that one would find a sympathizer.
Any plan without intent –
The essence of a content.
-Why did you marry?
-Had no life experience.
-Why did you divorce?
-Had no patience.
-Why did you marry again?
-Have lost my memory.
I could send you somewhere
But only can tell you, if you care:
You have just come from there.
The things you could do today
You can do the day after tomorrow
And without any sorrow
You’ll have two days of rest.
You are so fashionable
And I am not profitable.
He is richer than me for 10 years.
Lost passport in the name of Peter Smith
(it’s true and not a myth)
Was successfully returned,
For a certain consideration,
Without any frustration,
To Shukri Ahmad Abed Abu Rushid
For the wide world’s need.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 18th of November, 2011
En elderly lady is in the police station
For the identification.
The one on the left is a deft.
He wrung my hands
And gave commands
With the one on the right.
I couldn’t fight.
He kept my legs apart meaning…
Something dirty to start.
But…that one in the middle…
Sorry for my giggle …
Was like a beautiful fiddle.
He was the finest fellow.
He did it so well, like a hero.
I felt his arrow inside,
My delight I couldn’t hide.
The tide of excite filled my body.
He was my toddy!
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 12th of December, 2011
After a morning quarrel with his wife
A husband has got a terrible life.
After work, coming back home,
He finds a warning syndrome.
It’s a note lying on the table:
Honey, I think you are able to heat up the food,
Today I am in a bad mood,
So, to cheer me up I went to my friend
To watch the film with a happy end.
The food is already on the stove.
The stove is in the restaurant "The Fat Duck".
I wish you a good luck!
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 19th of November, 2011
The final victory over terrorism,
As well as over communism,
Leading to expansionism,
We’ll celebrate not after killing
Lenin, Stalin or Osama bin Laden,
But after stopping that bitch who pisses in my garden.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 18th of November, 2011
Hello, darling!
Hello, starling!
How are you, beauty?
How are you, cutie?
All is well, honey.
All is well, sunny.
Please, let’s stop this game!
Have you also forgotten my name?
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 4th of November, 2011
Money are so naughty and cunning,
They behave just stunning.
I go out – they follow me,
I come back – they harrow me.
They don’t want to come back home,
They would like a bit more to roam.
They sometimes don't want to go home with me at all.
They would like a bit more to stroll.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 2nd of October, 2011
2012. A new president of the United States
addressing to Congress:
You, morons with wood brain!
Sawdust your heads contain!
Listen to me, you fools!
Lift your asses from the stools!
Go! Toddle or hobble to do good deeds!
Grow fruitful seeds!
Moderate your own greed!
Find out what people need!
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 14th of September, 2011
I am not a business woman,
I am just like Bess Truman.
I prefer a family life
And to be a good wife.
I am not the first lady as she was
But agree with her words and applaud:
Sense of humor and good health
Will lead you to respect and wealth.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska
January 24th, 2011
Spring! Spring! Spring!
The bells ring, ring, ring!
I am in the park under the tree.
I am free, free, free!
The crows are sitting on the tree,
They are also free, free, free.
Nothing clever comes into my head,
Only foolish things instead.
More than that!
Those critters which are on the tree
They have more freedom than me.
Their litters they throw on my head.
Should I cry or be glad?
Larisa Rzhepishevska
October 29th, 2010
If your shirt has no button
and your trousers are roughen,
if your jacket is so crushed
and your carpet needs a brush,
if you can’t find your clothes,
all the time you just curse…
There is only one way out:
to marry or divorce.
Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
Worldwide News
Default in Greece,
In Iceland – peace,
Protests in England,
Evacuation plans in Scotland,
Brace’s bakery success in Wales,
In The Sun read the details.
Italy is under water,
In Twee Ribiere it’s getting hotter.
Riot is in the USA on Wall Street,
Moscow is in the sleet.
Soon or right on time for Christmas shopping?
Asked King of Prussia,
Collapse of currencies in Russia.
May be snow or may be rain in Ukraine.
In Odessa the sunny weather will remain.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 23rd of November, 2011
I AM ON DIET
I’ll put on diet my fattish ass
So that the doorway I could pass.
I’ll do some exercises to lose weight
As fat asses I just hate.
I would like to look a model of super class
Or may be like a slander lass.
I know it’s too bad to amass fat,
But…while rhyming this couplet
I am looking at an apple pie
And a big saliva appears in my eye.
Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
On the right foot
I’ll put on a boot.
On the left foot,
I’ll put on a shoe,
Red or may be blue.
Do you know what for?
To ignore public opinion,
To show you and all:
I am the only one
Out of million.
Or may be more:
To show you
That I am nervous,
Capricious, and…
A little bit ambitious.
© Copyright Larisa Rzhepishevska
June, 18th, 2011 (Odessa, Ukraine)
SMART LITTLE JOHNNY
It's a real story that happened in one school
when a teacher appeared to be a complete fool.
Once when a teacher of math was sick
a teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
so he said: Solve my problem please!
The car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane we need.
How old am I if the plane now is high in the sky?
If to take all these tasks and mix – said smart Johnny,
We’ll get the result: You are twenty six.
Right you are Johnny!
Your arms are scrawny but brain is brawny.
How did you solve this problem so quick?
For me it’s easier to break a brick.
Well, our neighbor being so sleazy is thirteen
And my mother says that he is a semi cretin.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
The 11th of March, 2012
I AM LAURA’S STOMACK
It’s Monday morning, she’s got up.
When I asked her for breakfast
she told me to shut up.
When I asked her for my porridge
or at least for an orange
she told me to keep quiet
as from today she was on diet.
She has noticed cellulite
and decided to get rid of it.
In the day time it was a real crime,
she didn’t put anything inside me,
so, I thought to remind her about me.
I switched on the gurgling of my gastric juice
(after all I had nothing to lose)
at an average speed,
hoping she would hear me and would feed.
But nooooo! My anger began to grow.
I decided to strengthen the gurgling, the rumbling,
and…added a little bit of sound.
At last she looked around
and found a cabbage leaf,
I quickly digested it and cried:
I want beef!
At night when she went to sleep
I had only one wish – to weep.
I saw sweet dreams when she lived with her parents,
I thought she had inherited their habits.
How happy I was!
We always had the 1st, the 2nd and the 3rd course.
But hell! It was not for her so well!
She told them she had already grown
that’s why she could live on her own.
What else could I say?
The same story happened the next day.
I was very, very angry
because I was very hungry.
I’ve been shouting during the whole day:
Where is my salad?
Where is my soup?
Soon you won’t see me even through a loupe.
On Thursday in the day time
she gave me some plums.
But what’s happened with me? Was I really a numb?
I was so week, I felt so sick.
Without any questions, without any digestions
I’ve passed all the plums to the bowels
for them to know the particulars.
Next morning in the bathroom
I said goodbye to all those horrible fruit.
Do you know what ‘s happened then?
She gave me some yogurt.
My God! – I thought,
now she becomes better and better.
May be I’ll be a little bit fatter?
But…anyway…it’s early to shout “hurray”.
On Saturday she went to the restaurant with her boyfriend.
I didn’t want to offend her, so I kept quiet,
I so much desired to eat
a good piece of meet, something sweet.
You know that I didn’t eat for the whole weak.
“You look good, but you are very thin,
you have to take some food and it’s not a sin”-
the guy said with a grin.
I thought he was the greatest lad
and my dearest Laura was just mad.
It was late at night when she felt bad.
I was also feeling sad.
Martini, mushrooms, potato, beef…
all that nice food decided to leave.
Shut up, lever! She is clever!
Everything is under control,
she knows that I hate alcohol.
At night, with a little bit of fight,
I said goodbye to all the food she ate
without any regret.
Now I know: she doesn’t like to be fat.
Next morning she drank only mineral water,
her boyfriend has brought for her.
And I certainly kept quiet.
What more can I say?
We are on diet.
Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
September 16th, 2010
Do you think that
A toilet bowl is just a hole
For your feces
Or for your ass?
It can be a place for your face.
When you celebrate
A New Year or something else.
You keck all the snack
Feeling a release
And then….you just sneeze.
Please, don’t take it seriously!
Those words were told deliriously.
© Copyright Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine) All rights reserved